The Slow Redemptive Process

I don't know why, but I've been dreaming about my mother a lot lately. That, and she's been on my mind. She died in an accident a few months before my fall. She wrote a few books. It might be because I'm writing a lot lately.

It might be because I'm slipping into depression. It may just be because I miss her. Maybe it's all of those things.

God has a way of bringing hope to us when we're at our worst.

This weekend, Cynthia's daughter had a birthday.

Last year at this time, the kids we usually would have invited didn't get invited because their families were very upset with us because of my fall at Angel Falls Baptist. I can't say I blame them.

Barry, her father, who had twice committed adultery and been arrested, had a birthday party elsewhere for her. The church people had no problem attending that party. Again, I can see where they were coming from.

A year removed, things are slightly better. When I talk about those families, they are all people that Cynthia's daughter is related to by blood. When we've seen them at the grocery store, most of them ignore us, and a couple have spoken to us.

That's progress as far as I'm concerned.

Especially when I've heard fallen pastors tell me to never expect any type of reconciliation. Ever. I just don't buy it. I'm sure there will be a great number who will never want to see me or Cynthia again. But as long as I live, I simply cannot believe that it is God's will to give up on the process of reconciliation.

The week before her birthday, we got a text from one of the women who hasn't spoken to us asking what Cynthia's daughter might want for her birthday. We quickly invited them to the party. We also invited Marlee and Rich whom we had seen recently. We were hopeful and cautiously optimistic.

The day came and guess what? Everyone came. Our family and the former church members we invited. The best part? We all acted like normal human beings.

Wow.

I asked all these people, by letter, twice for forgiveness. I would love to hear from each of them, "Bro. Arthur, I forgive you."

But it's not going to happen.

But you know what can happen and what is almost just as good?

To be treated like a human and not a fallen pastor. To be looked in the eye again (which most of them did). To be talked to like I'm just another sinner trying to make it in the world.

To have what happened Saturday. To talk about sports, kids, the weather, family, and nothing in particular.

For them to just take a few minutes to see that a pastor who commits adultery doesn't turn into the Antichrist. If anything, it's possible he becomes more human and more humble than he was before.

To me, that will pave the road to a new relationship. That will be just as good as, "I forgive you."

I hate it when I'm crying after I write a post.

Why Churches Aren't Growing: Transparency And The Fallen Church

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24 ESV)

I write a lot about reconciliation and forgiveness. There are several reasons for this.

First, I was horrible at it before I fell. I was an awful example to my family, my friends, and my congregation. I now know what it's like to be the one who desperately wants to be reconciled with people I have harmed.

Secondly, one of my reasons for blogging is that I want to see churches and fallen pastors reconcile. Some churches actually handle the process the right way. They approach the pastor when they discover his indiscretion, they help he and his family get help as they depart and stay in contact with him.

However, this is a rarity. Most churches harbor bitterness, anger, and never get over the event. I do not believe this is the will of Christ. As the verse above states (and many others), those who have been sinned against should be the initiators of reconciliation and forgiveness. As I have stated before, this does not mean letting the minister back to a place of authority necessarily, but it does mean love and forgiveness.

There are a lot of verses about forgiveness. Some put the onus on the one who sinned. But the verse above and others put the responsibility on the one who was sinned against. 

In the Southern Baptist Convention, there are literally hundreds of churches that have been hurt by fallen pastors. These churches have not made amends or reconciled with these pastors.

Do not hear me placing full blame on these churches. If you've read my previous posts on the matter, you will know that is not how I feel. These men fell and sinned. Sometimes, they get pompous after their fall and immediately try to return to ministry. They become recalcitrant and egotistical. I understand that.

However, there is a responsibility for churches to reconcile with fallen pastors.

The majority of our Southern Baptist churches are not growing. There are many reasons for this. Could I suggest that one of the many reasons for it is that we have a lot of junk in our souls that needs to be cleansed?

I know of one local church whose pastor left forty years ago on bad terms. He didn't even sin morally. It was just a bad situation where he got into an argument with a deacon and his family who "ran the church." Ever since that time, the church has replaced the pastor every three years like clockwork. The family who was "in charge" is still there running the show.

When you ask an outsider what is going on at that church they always point back at the event that happened forty years ago. That's a shame.

That makes me concerned about churches all across the nation. It makes me concerned about the church where I fell, and it is my fault. It makes me concerned about the churches where other pastors fell who haven't taken the time to heal or reconcile with the pastor.

Two things are happening in churches like that. First, a dynamic of distrust can set in where congregations will always have a weary eye of the pastor. And secondly, if the people never forgive, there is the constant sin of unforgiveness in the midst that will hinder worship, growth, and spiritual awareness.

I had a funny thought about evangelism as well. Would churches effected by a fall be less likely to evangelize? Would they be less likely to invite people in knowing that they might have potential sins to deal with?

Since I fell, I've been called a lot of things. Since I consider this a "family friendly" blog, I won't mention the not so nice ones.

However, the one thing I've been called most often on this blog is "transparent." I consider that a compliment, even though I'm hiding behind a pseudonym.

In our Southern Baptist churches, we do a superb job of putting on a "happy face" each Sunday. We sit up straight, sing when we're cued to, and shake hands.  

If you have kids though, you know that the ride to church is completely different. "Don't hit your sister! Be quiet back there! You'd better stop complaining about going to church! Don't act up during the sermon this week!"

And each Sunday during Sunday School a topic will come up and we'll shake our heads at the sinful topic brought up. Lust? "We shouldn't do that, but you know everyone struggles once in a while." Greed? "That's a terrible thing, we should store up our treasures in heaven." Anger? "Well, righteous anger is fine, but Jesus said love your neighbor."

What if we were transparent during Sunday School? Lust? "Yes, I fight it daily, friends. Each day I struggle. Will you please pray for me?" Greed? "I've run three credit cards past their limit and it's out of control." Anger? "Me and my wife are having problems. I need help from someone. Can anyone here help me?"

What about during the week? What if we acted at church like we did at work? What if the pastor walked in on us at our most sinful moment? What if people saw us worried about our finances, fighting with our spouses, angry with our co-workers, cussing at the mechanic who messed up our car, kicking the cat, etc.?

If we acted at church like we did during the week - now that would be transparent. To have people see us as we really are - broken, sinful, wrecked, miserable, depressed. Because under those Baptist smiles are broken, sinful people who really need help.

When I was a pastor and would go to my bi-vocational job, people would cuss in front of me without knowing I was a pastor. When they found out, they'd say, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a preacher."

I'd say, "Why are you sorry to me? You didn't do anything to me. Be yourself."

Why don't we act around our church friends like we do around our weekday friends? Because we're hypocrites. We're not transparent.

But guess what? God sees right through us. And yet, He loves us still. He shows us grace and mercy.

But, if one of us sees a church member sin or a church leader fall, we judge them harshly. And quickly. And we gossip. No grace. No mercy. Only judgment.

Know why we're in decline? Because most of us (and I'm including myself in this) don't look a thing like Christ and His grace when it comes to dealing with one another, much less non-Christians.

We haven't forgiven those who have sinned against us. We harbor anger, bitterness and rage when long ago we should have reached out and shown mercy as Christ has shown to us.

But strangely enough, each of us will pile into our cars on Sunday, looking our best, put on our Baptist smiles and push down our troubles.

It doesn't have to be that way. If we were all transparent, if we left our Baptist smiles at the door, shared our hurts with one another, reconciled our pasts, then looked out into our community and realized that we're just like everyone else, we might just be fueled for evangelism.

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.
(Matthew 6:1 ESV)

God's Answer For The Adulterer

For the past year and a half I have been beating my head against the wall over a theological point.

I love my wife, Cynthia. I have an astonishing love for her. I would lay down my life for her. I wouldn't change a thing about my love for her. What we have is real, amazing and I have always wanted a marriage like this.

At the same time, to get her, I broke God's law - the seventh commandment - to have her.

My previous marriage to Angelica ended in divorce after she and I found no reconciliation, I alienated and did horrible damage to my former congregation, I did disastrous harm to relationships within my own family, I hurt friendships with other pastors and those I have known for years, and tarnished my name within the community.

And above all else, my sin - the sin of adultery - was one among many of my sins - that sent Christ to His death on the cross at Calvary.  God's only Son died for that sin.

I will be horribly and terribly honest with you. And I'll even phrase it in the way that my current pastor said it. I sinned willingly and boldly in the face of God and stuck my middle finger in His face and said, "I don't care what you think, I don't care what your Word says, I'm doing this anyway."

And I'll even go a step further. I love Cynthia. I'm happier now than I've ever been.

Don't get me wrong. I still suffer from the pain I caused my God and the people I hurt. But I have the love a husband should have for His wife.

Under the watchcare of my current pastor, I feel I have repented and asked for forgiveness. I have gone to those who I have hurt and asked for forgiveness and received some of it.

Many of you who read this blog over the past year have called me out on some things. I've been accused of justifying my sin. At times, I have. And early on, I was attempting to.  

I'm sad to say it, but in a post on Bathsheba, that's exactly what I was doing. 

Now, as God has humbled me, as time has moved on since my fall, I have been overwhelmed by His grace and have found some solace.

However, as a theologian, I have always been troubled by one question. A question that has kept me up at night. A question that bothers me and Cynthia. A question that has rattled around in my mind and will not go away and finally came to the surface as I prayed on the way home from work the other night.

I prayed, "Lord, thank you for Cynthia and her wonderful love. Thank you for the gift of her. I wouldn't trade her for anything."

But then I prayed, "Lord, what do I do about the sin I committed to get her? I've already confessed it? It is a slap in your holy face. Your Son died for the sin that I committed. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy since my blatant, outright, stubborn, filthy sin led me to this point."

It is a difficult problem. It is seemingly impossible. I finally had to tackle it to find peace.

How can I dare be happy with her while knowing I committed a vile sin to be in her arms? A sin that sent Christ to the cross to bear the wrath of God? A sin I committed while pastoring a church?

I shared this with Cynthia. She said, "What about people who have children out of wedlock? They sin and get to go on. It's a sin yet they are happy to have the child."

She made a good point. But in a lot of adulterous affairs, many end up reconciling. Angelica and I did not.

In my own mind and in my seminary trained brain, I have, for lack of a better term, been trying to reconcile or justify my happiness with Cynthia versus my transgressions of God's law. It has not worked. It has failed miserably.

Then, I was struck with a thought.

It's not really about how I see it. It's not about how others view it. It's about how God sees it. I have to go to the Word.

But even then I still have to be careful, lest I bastardize God's Word to justify my sin. Too often, pastors (myself included), use God's Word as a tool for justification instead of allowing it to speak for what it says.

So where do I begin? With my sin. Yes, without a doubt, I broke God's law. There is no getting around it. I took into my arms a woman who was not my wife. I have no excuses. Regardless of the problems within my marriage, this was unacceptable to God.  Brad, my pastor, told me how he explains this to other pastors with whom he speaks about me.

He said, "Arthur committed a vile sin. He sinned knowingly and often. He and Angelica could not reconcile with one another. He did not decide to live a life of celibacy. Instead, he kept piling on sin upon sin in the face of God. He was wrong to do so. They married and found a church home. Arthur repented, began to humble himself and continues to do so."

Friends, I'm no saint, that's for sure.  I am a sinner to the core. I am a wretch who willingly broke God's law, and as Brad says, I attempted to push God off His throne and make my own law on my own terms.

How do I begin to reconcile what my life looks like right now? How can I even begin to enjoy my happiness with Cynthia knowing that I am a vile law-breaker?

There is a simple answer. God has given me more grace than I deserve.

Let me quickly state what Paul told us. That does not give us the right to sin more so that grace may abound more. I get ill when people come to me (and it happens) and ask me if they should leave their spouse and commit adultery. My answer? NO! They say, "Well you did it." My answer? "That doesn't make it right."

In spite of my sin, God gave me and Cynthia grace. Abounding, free and unfettered grace. Grace I didn't deserve. When I sinned, I deserved the Ananias and Sapphira treatment. I deserved to be struck dead on the spot the second I began to think about adultery. But God didn't do that. He was long-suffering and patient with me.

Did I suffer consequence? Yes. Did others suffer pain because of my sin? Unfortunately, yes. And I will think of that every day for the rest of my life.

But still, the question is not answered. How do I reconcile the two? My happiness with Cynthia and my breaking of God's law and Christ's suffering to be with her? The sovereigntist in me has been longing to reconcile these two!

Again, I was struck because of God's Word.

I am a forgiven child of God. There is no reason for me to attempt to reconcile the two. God has already reconciled these two things for me. And all praise to Him for that.

He is the God who when I begged Him for forgiveness, He "forgave all my iniquity" and He "redeemed my life from the pit." He is the God who "does not deal with us according to our sins nor repay us according to our iniquities." Not only that, but He took my sin and removed it from me as far as the east is from the west.

He basically looked at me when He forgave me and said, "Arthur, I have forgiven and forgotten." And each day when I remember it, agonize over it, and replay it in my mind and feel guilt, He reminds me, "You're the only one bringing it up, I've forgotten it. It's been covered by my Son."

What a wonderful thing grace is. Undeserved. But so freely received by me.

Others may cast stones or try to label me, but Christ never will. God will not hold my adultery against me ever again. Even if I try to bring it up or drag myself down because of it, He never will. Know why? Because I am His child.

I was once an adulterer, but I have been washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God.

Friends, this grace is ours to have. It is ours to receive and worship Christ for. It is not there for us to engorge ourselves with sin so that we may have it. But it is there so that we may be cleansed from unrighteousness and live a holy life pleasing to God.

No one in this world, including myself, has a right to condemn me. I have been justified - not because of anything I have done - but because of what Christ did.

How do I theologically reconcile my current happiness with my sin against God? I don't have to. I throw my theological musings out the dang door. My ivory tower theology has no room here. Only the love of Christ operates here.

There is no need to reconcile it theologically. Christ has reconciled the situation with His sacrifice - once and for all. That is my hope. That is my rock. That is my everything. 

I do not boast in my strength to get to this point. I do not boast in my cleverness, my education, my perseverance or my swagger. I boast in the grace of Christ which has completely covered my transgression and has said to me, "Your sin has been removed, now move on and live a life pleasing to me from this point forward."

What now? I know exactly what the adulterous woman felt like in John 8:10-11. A woman who had been caught red handed in the act of adultery. A woman, who by Old Testament standards, deserved to be stoned. A woman who was shamed and didn't have a friend in the world - except Jesus.  

He said to her something that I now understand when the people all dropped their stones and walked away.

Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

She said, "No one, Lord."

Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on, sin no more." (ESV)

Christ's love and grace are overwhelming. Without them, I would still be trying to reconcile God's wrath and breaking His law with my current happiness. Instead, I now understand His love toward me.

He didn't give His son so I could commit adultery. He did give His son so that I could be set free from sin.

And now that He has forgotten and forgiven, now that He has humbled me, I can be free to be happy with Cynthia.

More importantly, I am happy to have a God who doesn't give up on me and loves me for who I am.

Fallenpastors.com: Help For Fallen Pastors, Part One

I've made a new friend and found a new hero. His name is Danny Williams.

Danny is a fallen pastor like me, but unlike me, he has taken his pain and fallenness to a completely different level. He has turned it into a ministry for fallen pastors.

At fallenpastors.com, there are many resources available. Behind it all is a humble, yet energetic pastor who loves His Savior and wants fallen pastors to be restored to their Savior.

Danny went through his own fall while serving in the Assembly of God church. His story is unique and follows the same path that other fallen pastor's stories take. Danny made many mistakes after his fall, but soon found that the only way to find peace was through repentance and restoration to Christ.

"My pain is now my power," he told me.  "My mess is now my message." Lord, I want to hear this man preach.

We had an hour long talk on the phone and it was very uplifting.  Danny gets many emails every month and counsels many men who are considering adultery and many pastors who have already fallen. He told me that a lot of fallen pastors aren't ready to hear what he has to say.

He's very direct with them. They need to hear what he has to say, however. Right off the bat, fallen pastors apparently aren't ready to repent. They have a need to justify, he told me. But he warns them of what is to come, but he also gives them hope. He tells them of his story and offers them counseling, love, and many resources. He encourages fallen pastors to get their sin out in the open.

"After I got restored, I wasn’t going to live under the shame of it anymore. Once [the sin is] in the light the enemy can’t use it against you anymore," he told me. I heard his wife give a hearty "Amen" in the background when he said this.

Danny's ministry is located in Austin, Texas. He doesn't consider himself to be the full circle resource for the fallen pastor, but just a link in a chain. Quoting 1 Corinthians 3, he said, "We’re only a step in the process but we’re a hope in the process. One plows, one plants, and one gives the increase."

After Danny's ministry talks to a fallen pastor, gives resources, teleconferences or helps in whatever way is necessary, they find a resource for that pastor in his area. "We give them resources and direction to find someone to help. To get someone to watch you just be in the room. To find acceptance to give you hope to be restored."

On his website, you will find information regarding reconciliation between a pastor and his spouse, ideas about false intimacy, true repentance, and some excellent resources.  I'm still not sure that Bro. Danny really isn't a closet Southern Baptist. 

Danny has built an excellent ministry and I am very glad he is out there. There are very few men like him who are actually helping fallen pastors. He has been doing this ministry for a little over two years and has helped about 25 ministers.

I thank God for my new friend and hope you will pray for him and his wife and ministry and the men he helps as well as the church he serves. If you know of any fallen pastors or hear of men who fall, please recommend Bro. Danny's ministry to them.

Reconciling With A Fallen Pastor, Part 7: So How Do We Reconcile?

Yeah, part seven. I've been stringing it out a little, but I hope it's been helpful.

I want churches to want to reconcile with their former fallen pastors. For the glory of our King. So that we might be reconciled to one another. So that no one is left behind, forgotten, or isolated in their sin.

So how do you approach a pastor who hurt you long ago? It's not easy. There's no easy way to do it and the path I'm suggesting is not fool proof.

1. Have your church leadership pray. There is no substitute for prayer, especially among the church leadership. And typically, where the church leadership go, the membership will follow. Typically.

2. Know that you're going for the right reasons. I've mentioned it before but don't go to fight old battles, settle old scores or make you feel better about yourself. This is about coming together with another child of God, fallen as we are, recognizing that we all sin, and loving each other as God loves us.

3. Go with a Philippians 2:3 spirit - Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (ESV) Love the fallen one you seek out. Only by knowing that we are less than those we are attempting to love do we ever begin to understand what Christ did for us.

Christ left the heavenly realm, lowered Himself and gave Himself for us. How can we ever esteem ourselves better than any other person on this earth when the most perfect being in the universe made Himself worse than us?

4. Find him and go. Should you call? Probably not. Listen, most people in the church don't ever give a passing thought to what this man has done. But he thinks about it every day. Guarantee it. Church members forget until it gets brought up in conversation once a year. But he will never forget it. Every day he will be reminded of his transgression. It was his calling, his life. And he needs closure. Forgiveness. Just go. Show up. 

5. This may sound awful, but lower your expectations. That doesn't mean expect the worst. It means put it in God's hands. Don't expect a Disney ending. Or Fireproof. Or any of those ridiculous low-budget Christian movies with unrealistic endings.

Instead, expect a man to be at the door who has been changed and challenged by a long life of unforgiveness. Don't expect an immediate miracle. Just be ready to love. And be humble.

6. I would suggest you be ready to be the first with something so say. And that something be along the lines of, "We love you, we want you to know we're sorry that things have gone this long and this far like they have. What will it take to reconcile?" Be ready to listen. When I say listen, I mean listen.

There's a great line in the movie "Fight Club." The main character is speaking to another character about how people don't ever listen to you. He says, "When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you instead of just . . ." and she finishes his line by saying, "instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?"

When you visit your former pastor, listen. Don't just wait for your turn to speak. Listen to his travails. His heartaches. If he even opens up to you. It may take more than one visit. You may have to invite him out to lunch. But listen. That's how you reach out. That's what Christ did. He listened.

Hopefully this will open the lines of communication so you may listen to one another and heal.

7. Make your church ready to openly and publicly forgive. Your current pastor may not know the whole story. Tell him from whatever angle he needs to know. I took a class at the SBC headquarters once - it's called the Transitional Pastor course.  I would recommend it to anyone who is looking to be an effective interim.

Anyway, one of the roles of the transitional pastor is to help the church get over past hurts, even the hurt of a recent pastor. The class I took recommended making a timeline of the events of the church and putting blue post-it notes for bad events and yellow post-it notes for positive events.

Church members could all put as many post-its on the timeline for as many events as they could remember in the life of the church. However, only the positive events were shared out loud. At the end of the sharing time, all of the events were taken off and the transitional pastor said, "What is the future Christ has for us?"

The current church, with its current pastor, has to prepare for contacting its past pastor. Old wounds will reopen. However, that also means that resolution to those wounds will come. Old pains may come to an end. Even if the old pastor spits in your face, you tried as Scripture asked you to try. And a new beginning will come.

8. Don't give up after one try. You may get a teary eyed former pastor your first visit who embraces you. Good for you. You may get resistance. Don't give up. Let me ask you this - if it were you who were in trouble, would you want people giving up on you? Even if you go again, keep praying. It is God who will work on his soul and heart. And don't gossip. It's between you and him.

9. If all works out, rejoice. All of the glory belongs to God. It should have happened long ago. We are called to reconcile quickly and bring the weaker brother in when he falls. However, if you are able to reconcile, don't sit on it. Tell others quickly. Tell other churches whose pastors have fallen. Don't let them stay unreconciled with their former pastors. Let us quickly reconcile with one another.

I write this blog and these things to you so that you and your former pastor may have the hope of reconciliation. I write these things hoping that Angel Falls will one day have a relationship with me. The same relationship we had before? No. But one at least of Christian love, brotherhood, and of struggle side by side, and not against one another, in this world.

Reconciling With A Fallen Pastor, Part 6: A Victory For The Enemy?

You've decided that approaching and reconciling with your pastor who fell years ago is the right thing to do.  Guess what? You're right.

But you're also in the minority. I've discovered that in the 20% (a percentage I made up for this blog post) of churches that reconcile with their pastors, most of the time, it's the pastor who approaches the church (another stat I made up).

I made those stats up out of observation. Unfortunately, most of the time, churches and fallen pastors do not reconcile. Why? Because after the hurt and pain that is left behind, both sides decide that it's in their best interest that the problems are best ignored and life just goes on. But that is not a Scriptural ideal at all, is it? You know it's not and I don't have to throw Bible verses in your face to prove it. And to not insult your intelligence, I won't.

After these past few months of talking to what I believe to be well-meaning Christians, it is my belief that most "Christians" in the pews would rather hang adulterous pastors out to dry than forgive them. 

Don't believe me?  I recently joined FaithWriters.com and found an article by a writer who was rather opinionated. Her opinion wasn't isolated either. Feel free to peruse her entire summary of what should happen to pastors who sin. I have no judgment for her, but I hurt for her. She has been hurt by a pastor, or a husband like me. A man who did not repent or approach her with a repentant attitude. She may have been injured in her walk forever, but I hope not. I hope that she may learn to forgive, despite whatever experience she may have been through.

Listen closely, reader . . . the injured in this battle are not just pastors (even though many of us fallen pastors would like to think so). They are the wives, the church members, the families, the people who were attending who were lost and left, and the unbelieving members of the community who take the time to laugh at the church for our hypocrisy. All the while the powers of darkness enjoy watching us fight and quarrel amongst ourselves as we wallow in our inability to forgive one another even though our Savior commands it.

There is something wrong here. It begins with me. It begins with my sin. But it continues with me. But it continues with all of us - me and my church when we cannot reconcile. You and your church - you and your fallen pastor when you cannot reconcile with your fallen pastor.  

It is a victory for the powers of darkness. How long will you continue to let it be a victory for them?

We cannot continue to let ourselves to be mired down in a lack of forgiveness. We cannot let petty thoughts and hurt keep us from reconciliation. Does it hurt? Yes. Did a pastor hurt us? Yes. Did a man of God let us down? Absolutely. But people will let us down every day.  

David let the whole nation of Israel down, but he repented and God forgave Him. Was David ever the same after that? No, but he led. He moved forward. I'm not asking you to let your pastor, worship leader, youth leader, whomever into a position of trust. I'm not asking you to let this person back into the same place where they were before.

What I am asking is that you do what Christ did in John 8. The Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery and threw her before Christ. He did not condemn her. He did not judge her, but he had the right. He stood between her and every single rock these people had.

He showed compassion. Just like he would show compassion for you if you ever needed it in your life. He did not condone her sin, he did not excuse her sin. He just showed love.

Love. The greatest emotion, the greatest action ever in the history of humanity. One that breaks down all walls, all barriers. It says, "I don't necessarily approve of what you did, but I love the person God made you to be. I love the fact that God made you and He made you for a reason. I don't hate you, and you are going through a tough time and I am your friend, just as Christ is your friend."

It does not mean you approve of anyone's sin. It does not mean you love anyone's sin. But it opens the door to helping so many. And it is the exact opposite of judging. What Christ told us not to do.

Last time I blogged that I went to a funeral of a former church member. Many of my former church members stared at me, in judgment. I don't think they even realized they were doing it. Judging is embedded in us. It used to be embedded in me. In some way it still is. Not like it was.

When we open our hearts to how Christ reacted and loved people - how He - on that cross said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" . . . do we understand that? Those people had whipped him, beaten him, spit on him, driven nails into his hands, and yet He did not hold them responsible.

Yet, for some reason, we lash out at those who sin against us for the smallest things. Friends, it is time to forgive. It is time to make calls. It is time to call parents before they die. It is time to call fallen pastors. It is time to call lost friends. It is time to reconcile with Christians we have petty arguments with. The world is watching. The enemy is laughing.

What will we do?

Face To Face With My Old Church

It's been a long 24 hours, friends.  

Without going into detail, last night Cynthia got very sick. I was extremely concerned about her. She turned out fine, but there may be health issues ahead for her. For about a three hour stretch in the emergency room, I thought life might change forever. Thanks be to God for His mercy.

On Monday (or Tuesday) I'll resume my series on reconciliation.

Today, Cynthia and I attended the funeral of an Angel Falls Church member. My current pastor, Brad, offered to go with us. We took him up on it. The church member was an older gentleman who meant a lot to me and was very close to Phillip Townsend, who I have recently reconciled with.

I knew that if we went to the funeral, we would be seeing several former church members that we had not seen since my fall. Angelica knew we would be there, but there is no animosity between us, as I have mentioned before. Our only reason for going was to mourn and show support for Phillip and his family.

Phillip, his wife, and daughter have been very supportive of me recently. When this gentleman got sick, they told me that I was one of only two people to visit him in the hospital. They were very appreciative of that. I didn't do it to get attention, but out of love for this man and for the family.

I wasn't sure how today would go, but Cynthia and I were very nervous. In the back of my mind, I suppose I expected the worst, but I also hoped for the best. Part of me hoped it would build some sort of reconciliation between me and some of my former church members. But all I could do was put it in God's hands and let things be.

When we arrived, I signed in and saw Phillip. I greeted him and we found a seat. I didn't make eye contact with any of my former members. I chose not to because the funeral wasn't about me and them, it was about the dear departed gentleman. Cynthia did tell me that she could see several of the former members out of the corner of her eye staring at us. 

When I glanced around, I knew she was right. There were about 20 in attendance and about six of them had their eyes fixated on us. I chose to talk to Brad about matters at our church. I held Cynthia's hand and talked to her some before the funeral started. Phillip's daughter came over and hugged me and thanked us for being there. His wife came by and spoke to us as well.

The funeral was short but well done. After it was over, of course, we were the first to be ushered through the line. I gave my condolences to the family then shook hands with "the new guy" who hugged me in front of everyone (his career is over), and the interim, who surprisingly hugged me after I told him he did an excellent job.

We left quickly and went to our cars. 

We talked on the way home. In our conversation, I came up with some simple thoughts. I still love those people. They're just people. I love them. Even the ones who just stared at me in disgust. I wish I could wrap my arms around them and love them. I wish I could tell them all that I'm forgiven and that Christ loves them just like He loves me. But I've forfeited that right.

They're in good hands with the new guy, I think. His prayer was beautiful.

I was proud to be with Cynthia today. Our love, our marriage, while hated by many, is what gets me through the tough days. I love her with all my heart. Even Phillip said some nice things to her. She's such a beautiful woman. Yes, we sinned. But God loves both of us and has broken our hearts and enabled us to love others in a great way.

I want to be able to let the people of Angel Falls know the reconciling love of Christ that I couldn't show them when I was pastor. Maybe soon. I'm not giving up.

 

Reconciling With A Fallen Pastor, Part 5: Reconciling An Old Wound

What do you do when the pastor in question fell some time ago and you may want to reach out to him now?

Do it. The longer time goes on, the harder you will find it to reach out and heal that wound.

There are many variables involved and I'm sure I'll miss some. But know this - it's not a perfect process. It just matters that you do it with the right spirit and attitude.

Whether the break between your church and fallen pastor was one year, ten or 20 years ago, wounds will be reopened. That's natural.

In my last post I discussed why churches and fallen pastors should reconcile. But the how isn't quite as easy, especially when a lot of time has passed.

Before you go, get your motives right. Go with an Ephesians 4:1-3 attitude: "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (ESV)

Go to your former pastor out of love - NOT to settle the matter, not to fight, not to dredge up the past, not to hash out what went wrong, but to love and be reasonable.

Let me say something very important about fallen pastors. Don't always expect a miraculous response. You may not know where he went after the fall. He may be doing well. He may be doing very miserably. He may have moved on or he may have become a very bitter, cynical man. He may welcome your contact or he may question your motives.

It may be that he does not respond well to your coming at first. But it may be that your initial approach is what God uses to begin to work in your former pastor's life to renew his spirit as well.

You may be tempted to think, "Well, he's the one who sinned." That's right. He is. And every day since, he has paid for it. Through public scorn. Through the scorn of fellow pastors. But worse, he has beaten himself up for it.

Some think he deserves it, but Christians, he does not. He deserves the grace and love of Christ every bit as much as you do. His sin hurt you to the core, but Christ covered his sin at Calvary just as He covered yours. I can almost guarantee that your former pastor craves the forgiveness of God and your public forgiveness like you can't imagine.

Trust me. I know.

It may be that since his fall, he has said or done things that make him look like an unbeliever. He may have acted like a complete fool or done things you dislike. To this, I say, if it were you who had acted as such during his tenure as pastor, he likely would have chased after you in love. And if that was not his character, the Christ would have pursued you. And we are to be like Christ, after all.

What I'm proposing - reconciliation with a fallen pastor - the man who hurt you, your family, his family, embarrassed your church before the community, is not an easy thing. But ultimately it is very Christlike. Christ pursued us and bore the wrath of our sin and asks us to forgive likewise.

I'd like to propose to you a plan for reaching out to your former pastor. First, remember this. Your church put together a pulpit committee, selection committee or whatever your denomination does. That committee, under the divine guidance (hopefully) of God called that man to be pastor.

Your church voted, probably overwhelmingly and he served your local fellowship. God does not make mistakes. However, people do. At the same time, we know from Romans 8 that God is sovereign in all things. We also know that He is not the author of sin, but He works all things together for His glory.

Your pastor fell, for whatever reason, and despite what you believe about God's sovereignty, God had called this man to your church.

the fall of a pastor is devastating. It can destroy a man. You've seen the way the national media drags nationally known pastors through the mud for adultery. When it happens in the local church it happens on a smaller scale.

One would think this would be the time for Christians to surround a fallen Christian in love and mercy. But too often, the fallen pastor is scorned and run out of town on a rail. Why? Because he has harmed the church.

A pastor friend told me once the church acts like a scorned woman when a pastor falls. That comment is dead on. I don't blame the church for this. It is understandable. However, there needs to be a race at some point to move beyond hurt and reconcile.

That does not mean that the hurt is not still there. That does not mean that the relationship between church and fallen pastor is the same. It simply means that we are able to forgive as Christ forgave us.

In my next post, I'll give some specific guidelines on how to do exactly that.

Reconciling With A Fallen Pastor, Part 4: Why Reconcile At All?

I started writing this post about how to reconcile with a fallen pastor long after he had fallen. But it occurred to me that I had failed to even broach the topic of "why reconcile with the fallen pastor?"

It's really a good question. I can see it from the hurt church member's perspective. He was the one who sinned. He should be taking the initiative and come dragging back to the church with a sad puppy dog face apology, right? He should come back in sack cloth and ashes, heart in hand and beg for forgiveness.

But it's not always that simple. The fallen pastor doesn't always see the path back to the church in that way. Often, he sees people staring him down, pushing him away, and the signs all telling him that he's lucky a restraining order wasn't put out. No kidding.

Most fallen pastors run away, tail tucked firmly between legs, and many go away to their own destruction.

If you're reading this blog, you may be a church member interested in reconciliation with a fallen pastor. Good for you. Pursue it. But you need to know why it is important. The why is just as important as the how.

Let me give you a few reasons why.

First, Scripture commands it. I mentioned Galatians 6 in a previous post. Galatians 6:1-5 (ESV) Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.

It is the duty of the church to pursue those who have sinned, even the pastor. To bring him back into fellowship. I'll go into more detail in a minute to what that means, but we are not to ever abandon a Christian in their most desperate hour.

If you found out that your uncle, brother, daughter was strung out on crack cocaine, would you leave them to their own devices? No, you would not. You would pursue them and help them. Then why would you abandon your brother in Christ after finding out they fell into moral sin? But churches do it in a second when they discover their pastors have fallen into adultery or pornographic sin.

Secondly, it can be a testimony to the world of the reconciling power of Christ. Ephesians 2:14-17 says that Christ "himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near."

Christ came to break down walls of separation. He came to reconcile Jew to Greek. If He could break down that wall, surely He can break down the wall of fallen pastor to hurt church. The cross is powerful enough to show the world that He can break down such barriers. Yes, the pain is real when men fall. But Christ's power over such sin is even more powerful.

Third, it is an example to your family, your children, and the world to forgive. You might not even realize how angry you have been for the past few years against your pastor and his sin. Unforgiveness and anger are not good. When you think about the pastor who fell, how does it make you feel? Pangs of anger? Pity? Make things right and reconcile with him as Christ asked us to do.

Fourth, you must do this for the health of your church. Often times, after a pastor falls, and a church does not forgive, a pattern of sin and unforgiveness settles in that stays within for generations. It may be that to break this cycle and to make peace with God, your church needs to do the right thing and openly reconcile with the former pastor.

It is not easy to settle your heart to approach a former, fallen pastor. The next few posts will deal with how to do this. Set your heart on prayer now on making yourself right with God. You know reconciliation is the right thing. If someone has sinned against you, there is a command to be followed. If you have done someone wrong, you know what is to be done.

And in the long run, you know it will be right in the eyes of your Lord.